Me, Jesus and Adam Ant Read online

in history, the Roman Empire's Got Talent.

  The wait was interminable. After hours and hours in the hot sun, tired and dehydrated, finally came to our turn.

  Two centurions escorted us before the Emperor Aulus Vitellius that eating grapes lying on a chaise longue of pure gold, with two fanners on the sides and surrounded by his most trusted men, with a nod, he made us understand that we could start.

  Adam, who was the more easy, made a brief introduction:

  "We are a boy band, we call Pitchblende, we present a song a cappella by an unknown author that ..."

  The emperor, with another nod eloquent, made him realize the short cut and start to sing.

  I gave the La and attacked:

  "Brick by brick

  is the large house,

  struggling, struggling you do!

  Why?

  Brick by brick

  is the large house,

  it is the Lord wants to dwell with you. "

  The emperor, while continuing to eat grapes, this time with yet another eloquent gesture of his hand, he made us understand what the pro-consul Octavius ​​Gregor Mc Gregor translated into words:

  "POLLICIUZIO VERSATILIO!"

  On hearing the verdict, the two centurions that were introduced into the arena opened a grate from which emerged three tabby cats.

  Were alley cats of those mangy and with the air disreputable, the former had a bandage on the right eye, the second bore an earring ring in the left ear and the third had the tail broken in three points giving it the form of a hook or a question mark.

  Adam and I did a little laugh.

  "We can handle them." Jesus said

  We could not handle them. They attacked us like suckers, we scratched and there scarnificarono in several places, while rotolavamo on the ground in an attempt to keep them out of me.

  When Aulus Vitellius thought it was just raised his hand not engaged with the grapes and the pro-consul Octavius ​​Gregor Mc Gregor issued a recall for the tabbies:

  "PFFFSSSHHH!"

  Coming out of the coliseum, a harp-player of the over 70 category instead was about to enter, he asked:

  "How did it go guys?"

  "Fuck you, you son of a bitch!" The Adam said.

  Dusty, scratched and stripped to the bone we walked in the way of the house, at that time all three lived in Fregene.

  No one spoke for over an hour, only Adam at one point said:

  "The next time I choose the song I ..." Then he was silent again for the rest of the way.

  For the rest of the way.

   

  Jesus, but how do you dress?

  Every July 19 I am reminded that July 19th 1531, when I,

  Adam Ant and Richard Ginori, phoned Jesus to recommend the preparation of the TV But How You Dress?, One where friends carcasses of one who dresses badly, recommend their friend who dresses hurt Carlenzo Watson Mitchell and Enza Carla Mitchell Watson, two that he intended to make his look from head to toe.

  The editors told us to take the next day our unsuspecting friend Jesus before all'idromeleria Hobbs, the one that is in a corner, Pudsey, in the county of West Yorkshire, at 10 o'clock in the morning.

  So we did the next day, under the guise of a good mug of mead, we sat at a table outside the room and ordered.

  At 10 o'clock, from the corner of the building, came out Carlenzo Watson Mitchell and Enza Carla Mitchell Watson shouted in unison:

  'JESUS', BUT HOW DO YOU DRESS? "

  A Jesus took a blow to the terror and we spat the mead began to sip.

  Carlenzo Watson Mitchell and Enza Carla Mitchell Watson, who were dressed like confetti, began to criticize the outfits of Jesus then they put up a credit card and two shopping bags and tore out of his mouth a "Yes" to the question asked always in unison, "You agree that you have to rely on our expert hands to solve your problem?"

  When the two candies were gone, Jesus, who had never seen the transmission and continued to ignore our involvement, a bit 'confused asked us:

  "But what problem?"

  And then:

  "What an outfit?"

  Our crazy laughter ...

  Soon some men of drafting They took Jesus to take him to the headquarters of the two pills, while others were preparing the record for me, Adam and Richard, we explained that before the cameras why we were directed to Carlenzo Watson Mitchell and Enza Carla Mitchell Watson, the two just confetti.

  The first to be recorded was me and said:

  "It 'a life wearing those hideous sandals, are crap, Carlenzo, Enza Carla, help you son of a bitch!"

  The part to "do" on was cut and not aired.

  The second to be recorded was Richard, who said:

  "His problem is the accessories, always runs with the rope tied at the waist hanged, Carlenzo, Enza Carla, help you son of a bitch!"

  The part to "turn" in then was cut and did not go on the air.

  The last one to be registered was Adam, who said:

  "He fucking jute bag to dress when we go dancing at Baba Beach of Porto Potenza, we have to tell him to stay at least 20 meters away otherwise we can not pick up strappone. Carlenzo, Enza Carla, help you slut that bitch! "

  The part to be "Ha" in then was cut and did not go on the air.

  Actually the whole program was aired, in fact, while on the clothes Jesus left reluctantly advise on hair and beard was inflexible, woe to them if they cut them to him.

  So she dressed like a candy, and without shortening it by one millimeter, the cotonarono, exaggerating a lot a lot a lot, the crown.

  So, in the end it seemed Dave Grohl in that video so very very fun, Long Road To Ruin, you know?

  When you put him in front of the mirror so he could see his transformation, Jesus, red red red with shame, I literally dived in, scomparendovi.

  Enza Carla Mitchell Watson fainted ... no, sorry, Carlenzo Watson Mitchell fainted and Enza Carla Mitchell Watson gave him some kick on the side with a shoe heel 12 to see if he was still alive.

  That's why that episode never went on the air.

  Jesus reappeared after more than a month all'idromeleria Hobbs, wearing his usual sandals and jute sack tied at the waist with a rope, but the combing that he could not scratch it, they had put the lacquer to fix it was really too much . Really too much.

   

   

   

  I'm not crazy

   

  Skeletons in the closet

  My skeleton in the closet is a Bob Dylan mesmerized, "Once upon a time you dressed so fine," says every time I open the doors.

   

  Enthusiasm by Tenenbaum

  In the beginning God had a lot of enthusiasm, now bored and ironic as a Tenenbaum.

   

  Good luck

  When I say "good luck" I do not have the readiness to respond "cracks", I lose the "thank you".

  So I do not expect anything from life.

   

  I do not understand why

  Any sentence, if it ended with a repetition seems to be the

  lyrics of a song, but I do not understand why, but I do not understand why.

   

  Perseverance

  Get things with perseverenza is OUT, get them with hypnosis is IN.

   

  Insomnia

  Sheep to get to sleep I count while jumping fences. While jumping fences.

   

  Boundaries

  Are Julio Roberts, confinement north of Carthage, on the sides and bottom with Rio by Duran Duran. I live on agriculture, in particular forage.

   

  Shade

  I need to have Julio Roberts shade, inaffiature

  frequent, well tolerate salinity and sometimes I think, but no but no.

   

  Tuesday

  I do not remember who said that "Tuesday is made for love" ... maybe no.

   

  Tomorrow

  Tomorrow is a day very soon.

   


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  Bearded women always like

  Bearded women always like watching a little 'TV.

  Bearded Women always like save on cutting and bending by hairdressers Chinese.

  Bearded women always like to enroll their daughters during cheerleading.

  Bearded Women always like receiving marriage proposals from men in his belly and a mustache.

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  Bearded women always like I know you watch the ass of other men.

  Bearded women always liked you get angry if I buy the tubs of ice cream and then the clean up.

  Bearded ladies always loved, always loved.

   

  Mirrors

  The mirrors do not exist, mimes clones, enclosed in a frame, replicate all our moves backwards. 

  The mime clone that makes the moves backward in my fake

  mirror is a woman and I, for